Thing I Learnt - 13 July
How do you cope with grief? Specifically, the grief of losing a loved one.
I've always thought of grief as being something personal. Private even. Thus, it came as a shocker when someone who just returned from a bereavement leave was retelling the tale of days leading up to the demise. While he did seem to be rather affected by it, he wasn't as reclusive or quiet about the entire affair.
If anything, he indulged in telling of how things unraveled and what a shock the death was.
To be honest, I felt slightly appalled as it was as though he was using the death to garner some pity. That the death was his ticket to be the center of attention. This isn't jealousy speaking but my initial feelings about it was just that: disgusted.
So someone asked you about how it happened. Was there a need to divulge a blow by blow account of the situation? Wouldn't a "she seemed healthy, we didn't see it coming, thank you for your thoughts" have sufficed? Was it necessary to tell about how there was a premonition, some of the other siblings hushed her then, well, I was rather disturbed by the story telling that I left so don't know the rest of it but he was still going on when I came back from the loo.
I know what it is like to lose someone dear. I have felt it before. It took me months to finally let it go. A year before I could actually face up to it. In the mean time, there was no going around telling people about my loss. No shoulder to cry on. No body to comfort me when I needed it most. Nothing has changed in the world or as far as the world could tell but I lost something which meant the world to me.
It hurt. It hurt a lot.
I took to writing down my feelings in a space where I wasn't even sure if anyone was reading.
I took to pouring my heart out there and let my tears form the words.
I spoke not a word to those around me.
My life carried on the way it was. Work. Home. Sleep. Eat. Nothing changed but everything did.
I grieved in a silently public way. My grief carried me around. My work helped to ease my mind off it but after that, it comes back to haunt me.
Anyway, after much pondering, I think it's probably just his coping mechanism; to let it all hang out. I should respect him for that.
Coming close to 4 years now since you've been gone, thoughts of you don't come to me as much anymore but they do. You are always going to be there, safe in my thoughts even if I don't say it much, nigel. I miss you like before but having on to these thoughts only makes me wish that I was there with you and you know that I can't as much as I want to so I have to let go of these feelings. Until I see you again.
Be safe wherever you are.
Be happy whatever you may be.
I love you. Always and forever, my sweet love.
I've always thought of grief as being something personal. Private even. Thus, it came as a shocker when someone who just returned from a bereavement leave was retelling the tale of days leading up to the demise. While he did seem to be rather affected by it, he wasn't as reclusive or quiet about the entire affair.
If anything, he indulged in telling of how things unraveled and what a shock the death was.
To be honest, I felt slightly appalled as it was as though he was using the death to garner some pity. That the death was his ticket to be the center of attention. This isn't jealousy speaking but my initial feelings about it was just that: disgusted.
So someone asked you about how it happened. Was there a need to divulge a blow by blow account of the situation? Wouldn't a "she seemed healthy, we didn't see it coming, thank you for your thoughts" have sufficed? Was it necessary to tell about how there was a premonition, some of the other siblings hushed her then, well, I was rather disturbed by the story telling that I left so don't know the rest of it but he was still going on when I came back from the loo.
I know what it is like to lose someone dear. I have felt it before. It took me months to finally let it go. A year before I could actually face up to it. In the mean time, there was no going around telling people about my loss. No shoulder to cry on. No body to comfort me when I needed it most. Nothing has changed in the world or as far as the world could tell but I lost something which meant the world to me.
It hurt. It hurt a lot.
I took to writing down my feelings in a space where I wasn't even sure if anyone was reading.
I took to pouring my heart out there and let my tears form the words.
I spoke not a word to those around me.
My life carried on the way it was. Work. Home. Sleep. Eat. Nothing changed but everything did.
I grieved in a silently public way. My grief carried me around. My work helped to ease my mind off it but after that, it comes back to haunt me.
Anyway, after much pondering, I think it's probably just his coping mechanism; to let it all hang out. I should respect him for that.
Coming close to 4 years now since you've been gone, thoughts of you don't come to me as much anymore but they do. You are always going to be there, safe in my thoughts even if I don't say it much, nigel. I miss you like before but having on to these thoughts only makes me wish that I was there with you and you know that I can't as much as I want to so I have to let go of these feelings. Until I see you again.
Be safe wherever you are.
Be happy whatever you may be.
I love you. Always and forever, my sweet love.
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