single, ugly and fat

There was a comic which said:

when girls first meet me, they say I am single and ugly. after they know how much I earn.... they say I am single, ugly and poor. 

Another witty post was courtesy of a gym:

don't be single, ugly and fat. join us to be just single and ugly instead. 

That's a really good marketing.
This has been a post in the making for a long time. One year and counting to be exact. It all started in last quarter of 2013. Single, alone, ugly and fat. I know that I can't do nuts to fix the first three but the last? Now, that is something well beyond within my reach

DISCLAIMER: I am not a dietitian. Nor am I a nutritionist. What I have are a rather reliable Internet connection (thank you, Unifi), a determination to lose weight (and maybe gain some six packs) and relatively good reading skills.  This is not a slimming/diet program I'd recommend to anyone to try without first consulting a proper professional in this field. Obviously, I am not one of them. The purpose of this is just to document my weight loss journey (or the lack of progress in that) and hopefully, serve as a motivation to those of you wanting to do the same (woo hoo) or a reminder to myself why I need to push myself further.

This is the earliest picture that I could locate. While it doesn't render me like a fat baboon, there were still bits and bobs around here and there that I wanted to lose. I admit that I am not in the fat region but neither was I in the healthy/optimal/athletic group either.

I started off with random exercise videos on YouTube before going on HIIT.  There are many apps available but this is the one I use.

Pros: It tracks your progress. The more you stay on the program (at least once daily), the higher the percentage completed goes. Sort of a sense of achievement. Yes, I need it to continue living my life.

Cons: Hmm... can't think of much or perhaps like Mr Right, I haven't got much of an expectation for this app so it works pretty well for me. 

The other routine was from Neil Arey. These are seriously brutal for beginners. Take it easy if you haven't been exercising regularly. My muscles hurt so bad that I couldn't walk properly for few days but my body was so geared up to work out that it's like going back to the ex who didn't want you back in the first place so that he has a chance to dump you again. Yes, I am stupid like that (among others).

This dress somehow hides the tummy quite well as it has a built in corset function. It was very tempting to wear it to work without a bra but  I chickened out. Plus the frames (or whatever you call that two plastic rolls holding the top up) tends to dig into the skin. Why can't it be guys instead? 

When I first started, just that 7minute of HIIT alone was enough to render me breathless. Slowly, I added more routine until I could manage an hour of few different routines. Some people say to do weights on particular day, then do legs the next so that the muscle has time to recuperate while you work somewhere else. The thing is unless if you are hitting the gym with a personal trainer and doing it precisely how it should be done, chances are you aren't maximizing your muscles. But if you are, good on you!

My meals started getting slightly healthier by cooking at home. Steamed, baked. All (somewhat) fresh produce. This meant less oil and salt.

After a few months, I started hitting an hour of exercise. My daily routine was:

12pm: Lunch.
6pm: Exercise
8pm: Dinner 

I try to cut out the carbs (rice and noodles) and load up on meat instead. It is strange but eating more meat leaves me feeling less bloated and fat compared to veggies. Even KFC.

Bought this dress during a CNY but never quite got the opportunity to wear until a cousin's wedding. But, this is really quite a cheat one because I was wearing one of those grandma panty so that my stomach won't bulge so much :") Hey, if push-up bra is acceptable, why not those panty?

About the KFC, yes, I do did occasionally indulge in fast food. I do not believe in depriving yourself because after awhile, you'll just end up binging on those things. Moderation is key. Losing weight is really not just about exercising until your limbs can't move anymore. The sad fact is it's 30% exercise and 70% diet. I know that that four letter word is quite dreaded but that is the reality. You may exercise an hour but eat fatty food after that for the sake of 'refueling', not only did you just waste that hour of exercise but you may also be consuming more, thinking that you need more after the exercise.

Also, take into consideration the type of exercise. If you walk for an hour as compared to swimming, of course the later would burn more calories. Even different swimming styles and speed would yield different calories loss result.

Meet my baby tummy. Sorry it's not as cute as cookie monster.
After about a year, I was seeing some progress. One thing you need to bear in mind is the results don't come on immediately. Or in a week. Or month. It is NOT just a diet. It is NOT just exercising. It is a lifestyle change.

Don't get demotivated if the scales aren't budging. You may not be pushing yourself as hard as you could. Don't think that you should skip exercise because you're still sore from yesterday. Instead, pick a lighter routine. As again, unless you have a personal trainer in the gym or an actual PT yourself (this post must sound like a load of bull to you), you can push FURTHER.

What's with girls who are so embarrassed or shy about being caught on camera in their lingerie when they happily parade their bikini around? Well, I don't want to be the reason you spoilt your keyboard =D People noticed that I was losing some weight which was good but it made me lax more and ended up sabotaging my plan because I'd be so happy hearing their comments that I'd overeat and skip the exercise. Complacency is no good. Not for me, at least.

One thing that I liked was being able to see my hip bones out if I wear low jeans or skirts. My tummy looked like it may have shrunk too but it was really just the lighting and my imagination playing tricks on my mind.

By then, I was doing the full hour of exercise. Mainly on abs, legs and butt. All of which I could use more help with.

Started to work on them exclusively and my butt did feel slightly firmer but in terms of size, it felt about the same. Squats are the key to gaining a booty but they can be very challenging for the knees. By now, money was starting to become an issue that I started to cut down on portion. Some of my meals were divided into half or more for another time.

This is where some may jump and say, "No! That is not healthy, you must eat!"
I use Noom Coach to track my calorie intake and if you follow diligently, you'll notice how typical Malaysian meals can be very calorie dense. Of course, if you follow a strict diet regimen of fresh fruits and vegetables, skinless chicken breast meat, turkey slices, obviously you'll be able to eat more minus the calorie and guilt but nobody I ain't got the money for all that healthy stuff. Seriously, have you seen the prices of chia seed? Which is why I resorted to intermittent fasting.

Muslims all over the world fast for a month. The only difference for me is I skip a meal in a day. The other meal I will eat as per normal. Do my exercise. Watch the weight shed. So you wish. The problem with fasting is the hunger will strike you at the usual meal times. During the first week, I feel like I was going to die. By the third day or so, food no longer appeals to me. In fact, hunger isn't something I had to deal (much). It would be an utter lie to say that I don't feel hungry at all as my stomach growls away. The fact is that my body and brain have been conditioned not to give in to the hunger. If anything, I would eat only because I feel like eating. Not from the hunger. It is a difficult thing for any body to understand unless you try it out yourself.

My biggest joy was buying new pair of shorts and jeans because my old ones were just hanging off my hips (´▽`) For the love of God, don't go jumping on the scale everyday because it'll only demotivate you further. I could just as easily lose 2kg in 1week but come the weekend when I resume eating normally, I could probably gain back double of that. It was disheartening initially so I've learnt not to step on the scale so often now.

My other new pair of shorts. They fit my bum rather snugly so it is easy to tell if I've put on some weight. These are the sort of indicators that you want to look for and not just the numbers on the scale. My weight loss progress could be easily summarized as:

1. lost water weight 
2. lost wee bit of fat
3. gained some happiness from people's remarks
4. ate way too much for body to process
5. gained more than initial loss 
6. moan in a corner and try to lose them again 

What do you do then when you are at your wit's end? Go get professional help. One of them is London Weight Management which seems to be run by Chinese girls but targeting the Malay folks with their ads on terrestrial TV. Was I desperate? Yes. Did it work? Somewhat.

They first called me two years ago to try it out for free. Being the sucker for freebies, I paid them a visit. It was definitely less torturous than my exercise regime and they have a guaranteed loss in inches around the body. The visit consisted of:

1. The consultant takes measurements around your body i.e. upper arms, below the boobs, waist, upper thigh, lower thigh, butt (may have left out somewhere else) 
2. She suggests the type of treatment based on your target area - mine was the stomach 
3. Sauna. Sit in a hot sauna room for few minutes. It's hard to tell how long because it was all hot and foggy, almost hard to breath. 
4. Thermal body wrap. Literally wrap your body with a hot blanket until you literally shake sweat it all out. 
5. Zapping fat cells to break them down. Literally jolting the fat cells with electric pulses.
6. Final measurement to see how many inches you have lost. Luckily (for them), I did lose in their guaranteed range. Guess I have lots of water retention.

Do note that they have various treatments and the above may not apply to you. Was I excited about such an easy way to lose weight? Yes. Was I keen? Of course, who likes to torture themselves with exercise and diet? Did I? No. I have better use for my money. It is funny because they called me up a year later as part of my birthday promotion and we went through the same thing again. This time around, the consultant (a different) one changed her tactic by saying its good for maintaining since I am already so slim (´ー`)

miss, do you do facial? 
yes.
so you see our package is also similar to that. you want your face to look pretty. you should do the same for the rest of your body too. 

She failed to notice how difficult it'll be to give yourself a facial with eyes closed. Not sure if I'll receive another call this year for my birthday but I would still go for the fun of it.

Marie France is also another famous slimming center franchise. Again, they called me up out of the blue to try out their product. This was sometime in Sept 2014 when I lost few kilos on my own already. Thus, when I walked into their center, they appeared slightly reluctant to attend to me (or maybe their service isn't just so good). The consultant took a few good looks at me and asked:

so, miss, what would you like to reduce? 
my tummy.
er, you are quite thin already. lets work on your legs instead. 

Here, they provide a more enjoyable experience in that you don't feel the pressure to lose weight. If anything, it's like going to a spa even though I've only been to one in my entire life T_T :

1. Massage to relax those muscles 
2. Thermal body wrap to sweat it out 
3. Leg wrap to firm up the flesh (?)

I prefer Marie France because it is more relaxed and the folks don't rush you about that you feel like you're in a slimming center production line.

Not sure how many inches or kilos lost but my legs looked like it went on a bad tanning job, left my pins like some extra from Jersey Shore. Thankfully, they washed off after awhile.

Moving forward, if given the choice (and money), would I go for the easy way out (slimming centers)? No. That will be the easy way out and definitely, (MOST EFFIN DEFINITELY) will not hurt. But there is no satisfaction in that. Sure I'd sweat buckets but from laying in a hot blanket? No thanks.

If I could, I'd rather spend the money on gym and a personal trainer. Seriously. Then eat clean which means salmon and chia seed and all the things that are cheap anywhere but in Malaysia. I don't believe in protein power and shakes (those things don't have a very tasty reputation).

This was about 2weeks ago. 16th Feb 2014. While my exercises are now under an hour, I ensure that by the end of the workout, my muscles are dead tired (if not screaming). FitnessBlender has many of those videos and they are a lovely pair to workout to.

When you first start, your body is going to want you to give up. Like seriously. Totally. But once you pass through the first hurdle, it becomes more enjoyable. There is no explanation as to why I'd subject my already sore body to more torture (that question pops into my head whenever I do burpees, gawd I hate them with a vengeance!) but there really isn't something else I'd rather do. The other exercises, not the burpee.

One thing that I notice with many people when it comes to exercise is the excuse of lack of time.
"Got to pick up the kids."
"Always stuck in jam"
"Have to cook"
"Already tired and stressed out for work"
You know what those are? Excuses. We all have 24hours in a day. How you use them is up to you.
I work 40km away. I am not privileged enough to have police riders to open up the roads for me. I used to cook when I used to eat dinners at home. And exercise is a very good way to deal with stress. Just imagine working the stress out. Or just think of stressing yourself out further until you can't be stressed any further :D

The funny thing that happens is when people start commenting that I should eat (more) because I was looking too skinny, like the skin wrapped around the bone (Cantonese phrase). The thing is I do eat... A LOT. Just when in the company of other people. For the past two months when I've been skipping lunch to leave work early, I'd either see if anyone's available for dinner. If not, I'd just wait till lunch the next day. It's not very healthy but I do get by with Milo and biscuits (also not healthy but very calorie high).

The best part has got to be when they start to tell me how my diet, exercise plan should be. Eat more greens. Eat more meat. Do more of this exercise. Do more of that exercise. And then I look at them and wow, I could stand behind you and you could block me from view and you are telling me how to get fit? Not sure in which universe that works but in my reality, if you are fat or not even in the healthy range, your advice is as useful as a fiddler's fart. I may not know 100% about weight loss but between the both of us, you could certainly use the advice for yourself. Plus, had I wanted it in the first place, I'd ask for it. 

The annoying part is when someone puts it down on genetics, high metabolism rate.
I wish I was that lucky bitch but I am just a bitch, not lucky. If anything, my metabolism rate is lower than average (yes, I got this tested out). It really pisses me off when I stuff myself silly and people are astonished with the amount and complements on how lucky I was that I was still at my current size. Obviously if that was my normal routine, I would look more like them than me (read: fat not thin).

There is a sacrifice that we all must make for the things that we want. For me, I opt to torture exercise my body so that I could truly enjoy the food when I do happen to eat. And when I do eat, I make sure to fully taste the food and don't eat mediocre food.

It is not my fault that some people are not genetically blessed to have perseverance to work hard for the things that they want. Just because you only see the part where I stuff myself silly doesn't mean I don't work my ass off at other times. Nor am I obligated to show you my effort. But for you to undermine my effort and point it down to genetics is totally uncalled for. Your lack of determination and discipline is your genetic flaw.

If you are happy being fat, good for you. But what is wrong for the rest of us who wants to inspire the world to be healthy? Some people may say that fat shaming is a very bad thing. How is fit shaming any better? If you are obese because you didn't take care of your diet and exercise then you feel pressured about someone else doing something that you can't, this is not really a shaming game anymore.

This is just you trying to deflect your own guilt.
Of a world filled with healthy girls (possibly anorexic) or one with confident but obese woman, I want the former. Healthy, anorexic, at least they don't cost as much to the government.

If you are fat and happy with it, good for you.
If you are fat and unhappy with it, look at other equally fat people and don't be unhappy anymore because thin people don't exist in your world anymore.