the curtain call for 2015

Another 11hours before we bid 2015 adieu.

Just like every other hopeless millennial, lets see how I fared on my resolutions:

• Continue with my exercise regimen - if anything, guilt shrouds me when I miss a day. Like yesterday =( But I won't beat myself up over it. The important thing is not let it slide and spiral down.
• Continue with my German lessons - Diligently practice daily. Sadly, I haven't gotten to half the tree. And they added more modules on those I've completed. Boo hoo.
• Be happy, content with what I have 

After a rather disappointing inaccurate Chinese fortune telling, my life has been on a roller coaster ride. One thing that improved was my outlook on life.

If you know me personally, you'd know how pessimistic realistic I could be. Heck, even my humor says it all (in case if you don't know, it's called self-deprecating humor though it sometimes borderline on self-loathing, more often than not).

After years of feeling sorry for myself, 2015 was the year that saw me stand up and tell myself:

why? why the f for? So you ain't got nobody, nobody but you. And nobody, nobody but you wants you (for you). 

That doesn't mean you should continue to wallow in some self pity. That doesn't mean you are not awesome (in a shitty way). That doesn't mean you can revel in who you already are.

You are so ordinary that people won't notice you on the street (unless, girl, did you look in the mirror when you got dressed?). You are so insignificant that the only way people would notice that you are dead is when your corpse starts to stink up or you don't show up to work for days. You are so useless that heck, you rather not do anything for fear of not getting it right.

People are always going to judge you for what (they think) you are. People are always going to impose (their) standards and ideals onto you. People believe that you are doing a shitty job at life (and obviously, theirs are god-sent).

Get up. Sit up. Stand up. Chin up. Head up. 

So what if you ain't got a perfect normal pimple-free complexion? Do we want to get started on that bulging tummy? Why must hair grow at all the wrong strange places? Since we are on the topic of hair, a scrunched up half ass pony tail ain't no hairstyle, girl. 

But it is all right. You got this. You can do this. You can be better than you were yesterday. Even if nobody believe in you, you are the best thing that ever happened... to you. Just like nobody would be there for you, nobody could take that away either.

There will be times when it won't make sense that the only logical thing would be to let your self go because someone, something let you down. It is perfectly all right to have a good cry once in a while. It doesn't mean that you are weak (even if you actually are). That is a chance for you to improve. You may not see it with those tears in between the sobs and stuffed nose. Things will get better if you don't expect them to. If you allow yourself to feel in that very moment, that is all that matters. Forget how the world will come crashing down on you tomorrow. Just for a second. Then breathe.

Let go of the people who disappoint you. Remember not the words they said that set your heart aflutter. Forget the promises they made.

2016. What would you bring? This would be my offering to you:

• Be happy, be content. Be less critical of self. 
• Pick the right battles. Compromise on what is worthy losing for. 
• Six pack FTW Smaller tummy.