after the rain

Do you believe in the law of attraction, The Secret?  When it first burst into the self help scene about a decade ago, my father was quite a firm believer in it. Actually, he was into all those enrichment, self improvement talks. He would try to brainwash us into the positive vibe but when you are being forced into something, it is highly unlikely you will like it. If anything, you'd end up hating it. Most likely with a vengeance. There was a book he wanted me to read/finish was Who Moved My Cheese? Obviously I didn't finish it which is why I grew up bitter and jaded.

Since 2014, I reflected back on myself. My life. My decisions.
Since 2011, I hadn't been truly happy with myself. I hadn't been satisfied. If anything, it was just one disappointment after another. One heartache after another.

Sometimes, you tell yourself, "OMG, this is the worst thing. Ever". The fact is, until the day you die, whatever 'worst' you are experience is really just 'bad' at worst. Things can get far worse, way beyond your expectation and/or imagination. This is what 2011 taught me.

Thus, with renewed zest that things are not going to look up, why not just embrace the fact that this low depressing life is the new normal? If China can recalibrate its growth rate as its new normal, why not change the way you feel about life by accepting things screw up and you can only change yourself? As someone who is naturally depressing/depressed, I found Cheesie and QiuQiu to be good positive role models. Their blogs have that happy vibe going on and it leaves me with a happy glow inside though I don't know them personally. Nor am I afflicted with their blog or getting paid for this.

I used to feel quite sorry for myself. Still do but now, I feel awesome and sorry for myself. They are usually mutually exclusive but there were times when the patheticness is so overwhelming that I am laughing through my tears at my own predicament. Bob Ross certainly put it right. Having waited (pointlessly) for my good times for awhile, I asked myself, why? Why wait? Why not seize the day? Why not just give up on the notion that there is going to be good time at all and just..... live?

That I did starting in 2014.
Took up exercise because I wanted to look good (naked).
Started dieting because my body should be my temple. Now, it's because I am broke.
Threw myself into work to occupy my brain.
Picked up German because I like German sausages. Plus it's easier than Japanese.
Weaned myself off being a worry wort as it's of no good to my mental health which was never that good to begin with.

Maybe the lack of expectation helped but things have been doing good. Not looking forward to anything happy has made me happy. Take for example, dinners. If I get dinner, I am a happy camper. If I don't, there'll be coffee waiting the next day. And biscuits. All for FREE.

Somehow, my stars must be aligned this week because things are going exceptionally fine.

Bought this cake for a colleague's surprise birthday. We had been having Secret Recipe cakes for the past year and given how precious my calories are, I'd rather have a good cake and this was that (and more). It was a long overdue comeback. Since Nov 2014 to be exact when I had it for my birthday.

A colleague returned from Singapore and bought this. Personally, chocolate doesn't rank high on my list but new food is so this was a good surprise today morning. While the chocolate itself wasn't those ultra rich, creamy or dark type, the filling made it quite enjoyable. It doesn't help that he kept telling me to take more.

Another colleague came into work early (by his standard) and sat on his chair then proceeded to move beside me and handed me this before moving back to his cubicle. It was totally unexpected, uncalled for though he let me in on a little dirty secret the day before. Maybe as a bribe to shut me up? Still, I'd like to think it was just a nice gesture with no hidden agenda behind. Except to fatten me up.

Mint chocolate is certainly an odd combination but as again, good for snacking.
Thus the entire day, I was almost mindlessly munching away on them. So much so that all my mouth could taste was chocolate, chocolate and ... more chocolate.

Which is why my lunch was a much welcomed break from the chocolate snacking. I cooked it last night. Never thought dried shrimp could add so much of flavor that it makes my cooking palatable. This was just a simple stir fried yee mee with spinach, dried shrimp and oyster sauce. It was my second attempt as the first didn't have enough flavor and too much of dried chilli. Even my big boss was impressed that I was eating home cooked food for once instead of nothing/crap. He didn't even see the food, only the empty bowl.

My lunch is usually a lonely lonesome affair as my dept usually goes out while I am the only one to eat in. It doesn't take me long to finish eating that I would while time away by reading the newspaper since I forgot to bring my tablet to work today. Another colleague dropped by to join me in wasting lunch hour away.
lets go get ice cream
huh? you haven't had lunch yet?
 i had a late breakfast but bored now. meeting will only be in few hours. nothing to do. 
what ice cream you have in mind?
Burger King? Anything will do. Come on, lets go. I'll drive. I'm bored. 

Those are the sort of things that make my happy. Unplanned. Unexpected. We headed to the petrol kiosk and golly, it had been awhile since I actually bought ice cream. Because I found it too pricey to pay RM10 for a customized Magnum at the Magnum Cafe, I picked this almond version. He decided to pay for mine as well and that again, is one of the few things that make me happy =D

The chocolate crust would have been nicer if it was dark chocolate so that it's less sweet but this was great with the vanilla ice cream inside. The chopped almonds were also a good addition.

By the time I got home, the skies had darkened and the chocolate was starting to make me feel lethargic. So much so that I wanted to abandon doing the household chores altogether. Still, the thought of an uncleaned house was unbearable that I allowed myself some rest. With the dark clouds and impending rain, it felt blissful.

An ex-colleague asked me out for dinner. It was actually supposed to be my treat since I brought the topic of KFC up last week with him. To be honest, I wasn't expecting him to take up my dinner offer tonight since we had been talking about meeting up for few years and that only took place after 2years of online chatting. Thus, this was totally unexpected. So unexpected it was that I was sweating away when he turned up at my doorstep.

There is no better way to enjoy Colonel Sanders' chicken but with your bare hands. Finger licking good even if you may be out with a potential date. If they are put off with that, they probably aren't worth your time. My dinner company tonight was probably feeling very bad for me after hearing about how holidays are non-existent for me due to my financial commitments, my idea of traveling is to/fro office and home. He ended up buying dinner for me ^_^

So maybe... this is my rainbow.
Or the pot of gold.