Thing I Learnt - 19 Oct

Actually, this is something that I was enlightened yesterday over tea with two male friends.
Both of them are relatively new acquaintances; one slightly over a month, the other was a first time meetup. Yes, the hookup culture. Minus the romping in the bedroom. Maybe later. The weekend.

There was once I met up with the former, tg in a cafe where young bitches hipsters seem to congregate. Unsurprising given its location is literally a stone's throw away. And you don't really need much of an effort to throw it. We were there for dinner and the cafe had few other patrons of college kids looking way better dressed than old matured me. Of course, youth certainly has an attraction of its own so even without the better clothes, they do win in the looks dept. 

Envy aside (despite what I may have just said, there is none of this), tg was staring at one of them as she made her way to the washroom. Again when she returned to her table. Then when she left the restaurant altogether.

dude, do you want to go get her number? she's leaving.

huh, what? 
you've been checking her out since ever.
no such thing.
oh really. i so can't tell -_-
fine, her head was disproportionate to her body 

First things first, when you are caught, there is no cover line that could possibly cover it. Suck it up, make a joke out of it, apologize and move along. Secondly, it may not be a date but heck, your companion deserves more than your leering eyes. Lastly, if you can't do it in a subtle manner, don't. At all. If I (quite the most unobservant person on the face of this planet) notices it, chances are the girl would have too.

So, we repeated the scenario to my new found friend, sl yesterday and not only did he not help me (which was rather expected), he found that I was overreacting to the entire situation. Don't accuse me of being jealous and that I should accept the fact that men generally checks beautiful women out.

Checking someone out is perfectly normal. To take a second look is borderline pushing it. But if you do it enough within the span of a dinner for few times on the same person? I do draw the line there. As again, this isn't the green eyed monster talking. Not towards the object of leering staring fascination. Not for the fact that I wasn't getting all the attention at all.

Over the years, I've had my fair share of stares. You'd think that it feels great, awesome even. Heck, somebody's checking me out!

No, far from it. The stares make me feel very self conscious.

Is something wrong with I look? Is my dressing off because I sort of forgot to look in the mirror before I left the house? Is my makeup running? Did my period make an unexpected visit?
Those things really do run through my head when I walk pass by people and could feel their eyes following my every move. It is very uncomfortable especially when it is not a stare of appreciation. Rather, almost of pity.

Ok, so maybe they are sympathizing that I was lurking in the mall alone on a weekend. But hey, you don't see me holding a sign above me going, "fml! I am all alone". So, spare the thought unless if your thought translates to donation in the form of cold hard cash or food.

It also doesn't help that I look like the girl next door which doesn't render such attention.

Wish I could also be a hot sexy sweet young thing but the nearest to that would be hot from the weather and nothing more.
Perhaps, next time, I could muster up the courage and go ask them what their problem is =\